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4 Jul 2003 @ 06:32, by Jennifer Sanfilippo
Understanding, accepting and intergrating along with moderating the dark side of our human nature, is a necessary step in the Upward spiritual path. At least for me, it has been very helpful and enlightening. When I meditated with the intent of self-integration, it opened up new pathways. It took two meditations to accomplish this goal. For me, my dark side was illusive and resisted, and it turned into an actual chase. A chase that led down the stairs, deeper and deeper into my own soul. It was only when I reached the bottom of the stairs and stood in a darkened cellar, with nowhere else to go or hide, that I was forced to face my Shadow self. With integration, the doors are now unlocked.
As a believer of reincarnation and kharma, I understand that I have lived many other lives some, not with good intentions. I have learned to visit my 'former' lives through a deep meditation called, Past Life Regression. In my beliefs, if you were not a good person during your last life in whatever fashion, and got away with it, then you will pay kharma this time around. There must always be balance.
It took the better part of this present life, 47 years, to pay up. It is quite a realisation to find out that your Great-great Grandmother was Strega (Italian hereditary witch) and Malandante (a really really bad witch, bad enough to cackle and have a wart on your nose type)and through PLR, remember being that person. This is not a dream, to those who have had a PLR, you know what I mean. I was her, I could feel the anger and bitterness that this woman/me, felt. I have also come to understand why she felt as she did. I can look through her/my eyes. I can remember sitting in that chair as that old woman in a black dress, black shawl and holding that wooden staff, mad. Mad, angry, and bitter at the societal norms of the day (Italy early 1900's), not allowing her the paths she had always desired and were denied. She allowed all her talents and knowledge to be the channel, to vent these emotions and hostility upon those who drew her ire. It took some time for me, to reconcile with this part of myself.
It is possible to venture deeper, farther, into the past. One can take this to an experiential conclusion. I once more decided to journey back down those stairs. I was not sure why, only that I was being urged to do so. There was more work for me to do. With a torch in my hand, down I descended.
For me, this journey starts at the base of a very large, ancient tree. There is a very thick door, tightly wedged, heavy upon it's hinges, and extremely difficult to pry open. But, with determination, and allowing some of the strength of my GG Grandmothers anger to rise, I set my will upon the door until it is opened. Using your Shadow side is not wrong in itself. Utilising these energies in a positive way, is the key.
Down the stairs I go. Why, I am not sure, but I know the way now, down, and down I go. I reach the bottom as before, but this time there is nothing there, just an empty room. I stand there for a moment in the center looking around to see why I am there. This room is not large, maybe 20 feet on a side, almost square but not quite. It is shaped out of stone, just like the stairs that lead back up the tunnel. I have to move a little to let the light from my torch reach all the corners. I am alone. I go to the far wall and stare at it. It does not look right. It seems to be set wrong, but I am not sure in what manner it looks wrong, it just is. I start pushing against the wall. I feel it start to give, I push harder and it falls backward and slams hard against the floor into the room that was behind it. I step into this room and see 15 - 20 shadowy figures. I instantly recognise each one. I know them. They are the lives I have spent, not being very nice, like my great great Grandmother. This wall that they were behind, is the partition, that is in all of us. I could feel from them/me, shame, remorse, guilt. But, no more, I tell them. Kharma as been paid. The past is the past. No more guilt. No more hiding. I forgive myself.
There is only myself standing down there now. I feel a sense of completeness, wholeness, and release. I head back up the stairs, and I feel, a step Higher.
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Category: Inspiration
7 comments
5 Jul 2003 @ 17:00 by spiritseek : Wow
remarkable but I can feel the depth of it all. I too had a dark past and I'm working on those things now.
6 Jul 2003 @ 00:04 by vaxen : Nice...
thanks Jennifer! Very inspiring and nicely written. Viva El Stregghe!
6 Jul 2003 @ 00:37 by shawa : It feels really good...
...to share and uphold with you the image of your grand-mothers. Women have been much oppressed. Thanks.
6 Jul 2003 @ 05:32 by swan : We carry the shadow and the light
of our mothers, grandmothers, great grandmothers, (fathers, grandfathers, greatgrandfathers) back through time, in our blood. We do the shadow work and clear the path, for our daughters(sons), out seven generations and beyond. It is an act of courage to go to those deep places. Bravo.
6 Jul 2003 @ 07:29 by martha : Jennifer
Thank you for sharing. I agree with vaxen, though I don't know what El Stregghe means. (as usual)
3 Nov 2003 @ 15:52 by gyrfalcon : A toast to the shadow workers...
a very inspiring and thought invoking article this!Thank you.
2 Dec 2003 @ 07:24 by jstarrs : Yeah, bravo...
...good to see people going for the truth down under there.
Other entries in Inspiration
11 Jun 2008 @ 01:16: WholeTree Meditation
18 Oct 2006 @ 04:09: "Moose In Hand" or, Once upon a remembered life..
12 Nov 2005 @ 16:40: Death and Dying
13 Sep 2004 @ 18:19: The Wolf and the Rapture
9 Sep 2002 @ 14:27: Ego
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