5 Oct 2001 @ 11:44, by Zen Benefiel
St. Silicon has been ministering to “the data distressed, the unwired masses, the D-based and D-filed” since 1984. According to St. Silicon, he was working at his terminal one eve when lightening struck his satellite dish and rendered him unconscious. When he awoke, the Keyboard Prayer was on the screen and he was given the name St. Silicon. The Giver of Data (G.O.D.) instructed him to start the Church of Heuristic Information Process (CHIP), the first user-friendly religion. Here, reproduced are some of his inspirational words to help you through your learning curve.
Has Your Data Been Saved?
St. Silicon has been ministering to “the data distressed, the unwired masses, the D-based and D-filed” since 1984. According to St. Silicon, he was working at his terminal one eve when lightening struck his satellite dish and rendered him unconscious. When he awoke, the Keyboard Prayer was on the screen and he was given the name St. Silicon. The Giver of Data (G.O.D.) instructed him to start the Church of Heuristic Information Process (CHIP), the first user-friendly religion. Here, reproduced are some of his inspirational words to help you through your learning curve.
“Dearly C-loved, we are assembled here together because PCing is believing. I’m here to console you; ASCII and ye shall receive. We say there is a life worth debugging. Data, data everywhere, be no a thought to think, that is the problem…. Friends, perhaps you know someone out there with a terminal illness, some poor hacker with bloodshot eyes in data distress who’s been attacked by the evil one, Glitch, and his wicked helper Missingstuffinfiles. Even if your data has been blown all to HAL, there’s not a thing we can do to bring it back. But we can solace you in your hour of need. And that is why the Giver of Data has downloaded to me, from the heavenly host mainframe, the Keyboard Prayer for the data distressed. Now let us make the sign of the monitor (a square traced in the air), bow our heads and pray responsively.”
“Forgive us our I/O errors as we forgive those whose logic circuits are faulty. Lead us not into frustration and deliver us from power surges. For thine is the algorhythm, the application and the solution, looping forever and ever. Return!”
St. Silicon quotes from the Binary Bible:
“In the beginning, the Giver of Data generated silicon and carbon, and the system was without architecture and uninitialized, and randomness was upon the matrix….” Sysgen 1:1
Let us turn to hymn #11011012
Amazing space
How sweet it is
To have a disk like thee
My files were lost
But now they’re found
There’s room on my P.C.
St. Silicon dabbles in all faiths. He performs circuit-cisions and bar-code mitzvahs. He quotes from the 10 Commands (“Thou shalt not pirate programs”). For Bootists, there are mantras (Ohms EPROM RAM ROM); for CMOS-lems, readings from the glorious Core-RAM; and for aging hippies, BEEP HERE NOW, by RAMDOS.
Announcements: For the Cathode-lics, CHIP is opening a new high school “Our Lady of Perpetual Upgrades”. Also, a new junior high school, PC Junior, the Immaculate Deception.
To new members of the congregation: Watch out for PCness envy – the fear that the other guy’s system packs more RAM than yours.
There’s no need to abandon hope. All ye who press Enter; in the end, everything will be right justified.
Its hackrilage not sacrilege, just pulling your joystick.
Zardoz
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