Walking on the borderline
Standing on the edge
Dancing with infinity
at the thin edge of the wedge

The intellect's a master
that should become a slave
To participate in this great dance
To surf this quantum wave

If you're breathing with existance
tomorrow never comes
Be one with all the universe
You are the sacred Aum


Words - Susannah Bec


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Moss.

Verdant hillocks alive and in miniature.
Beauty in unexpected places.

Wet slate, cobwebs, crevices.

Lichen,

yellow and grey

modern art

adorning twisting branches and old walls.
Damp,

grey green spaces.

February.

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Love we all need it - it is one of the fundamentals of life. Whether we get it from our partner, our friends, our community, or our pets, it is a deeply nurturing necessity of life. Equally, we also need to give love, to care for things. Receiving alone is not enough. Our need to nurture and care bring out the best in us, whether channeled into a family, a garden, our pets or humanity itself.

We are born needing touch, needing love, needing acceptance, and hopefully with a loving parent and family we learn that we are loveable and deserving of love, we accept it as our birthright.
At this formative time, we also learn how to give love, and how to show our affection and feelings based on copying our primary caretakers, our family of origin.

"A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it." - Frank A. Clark

Now this is all hunky dory, as long as the ways we copied were positive, nurturing and life affirming. Often they were not, life doesn't always work like that. Unconditional love from parent to child is an ideal but not always possible, so we don't always get to realise how loveable and deserving of love we are. Some of us may feel we have to earn love, and when we do get shown love in adult life, we somehow sabotage it, so that we can return to the inbuilt feeling that we are unloved.

"We accept the love we think we deserve." - Stephen Chbosky

So we grow up and get into relationships with others and then perhaps go on to establish our own families too. So why at times does giving and receiving love seem to cause so much trouble?

My theory is, that because of all I mentioned above, we all have different conceptions of love, different ways of showing love and different things that constitute 'being loved' for us.

Here are some examples-

1. One person is upset about something, their inbuilt need is to be hugged and comforted and reassured that everything is going to be alright. The other person, on seeing that the first is upset, automatically thinks that they need time alone. So respecting what they think is the others need, they retreat. The first, seeing the others retreet, surmises that they don't love them, thinking "how could they walk away when I am obviously upset."


2. One person is always tending to the others needs, delicious food, cuddles and lots of thoughtful gestures. The other cries secretly because the first never tells them they love them


3. One person is always buying the other suprise presents, expensive and beautiful items. The other smiles but they mean nothing, they are just longing for a cuddle.

You see with these examples, that people have different ways and ideas of showing love. If we are lucky, we will share a similar expectation as to what constitutes love and we will easily see and understand the way the other gives love, and it will feel comfortable and nurturing to us. In the same way, our expressions of love need to be seen, appreciated and accepted.

As people are often vulnerable with regard to their need for love, they often do not recognise the love that is offered, as it isn't presented in a way they recognise as 'love'. As in example 2 above, where the person is being surrounded with love but because they don't actually hear the words 'I love you' they don't recognise it.

"Just because somebody doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have." - Author Unknown

Obviously, if this can be recognised and understood, more of an understanding can be reached. The person who buys his loved ones expensive presents to show love (just as their parents did to them) can learn to give a cuddle to show love instead and in return, the other by recognising how the partner 'expects' love, can buy a suprise present occasionally just to say 'I love you'.

In making an effort to understand each other, it is often helpful to explore how both you and your partners family showed love as you were growing up - what feels natural to you?

By realising that there isn't just one correct way to express and experience love, it can open us up to feeling the love that we may just be missing.

How was love shown when you were growing up?

What do you need to feel love?

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Those of you familiar with the early computer games such as Sonic the Hedgehog or Super Mario will get the references but I am sure the rest of you will understand the analogy. :-)

So, you are a small blue hedgehog or an Italian plumber walking or running through life, collecting points, dodging obstacles, defeating monsters and completing stages to go up to another level.

Once you get the knack of the game, you start to look out for the things that may hold something special for you! They may not be obvious and may just look like another part of the scenery but if you stay open minded and explore a bit, you will get used to expecting these little treasures to be hidden throughout the route. Usually you have to go a little of the beaten path and stay open and curious, thinking "I wonder what's up there?"

When you recognise and activate the hidden 'gifts' - usually by jumping on them! you release something from inside that wasn't at all obvious - it can be a super power, extra points, even extra lives, whatever, it will be something to help you and enhance your role in the game.

As we move through our own life (whether we are ambling along enjoying the scenery or whizzing along collecting points) there are times when we too have to find a way around the obstacles, where we have to use all our strength to fight the monsters that are invariably there, and where we discover that in beating them we get access to a whole new level, we reach another stage in the game.

Sometimes though, we forget that scattered throughout our own journey are also hidden the nuggets of treasure, the wisdom and the sparkling moments that change us and give us new skills, new powers!

We all remember times when we bumped into, or were lead to things that marked a turning point, or opened up a door to a new area of exploration, these things fortify us with new insights and new energy that starts to expand our understanding.

It could be a situation, a chance remark, a quote, or a book but you will know that it is important because you will feel that tingle of recognition inside! that once it is recognised and 'jumped on' it will add to our resources and give us new tools in this game called life.

"The wise man reads both books and life itself." - Yutang Lin

So as we make our way through each stage of our life, let's not be too busy dodging the obstacles and battling the monsters to know that hidden (usually in plain sight) are little treasures that once 'jumped on' can brings us gifts. As these things often look like everyday objects and situations we have to stay open and curious, listen to our instincts and notice the tingles and hunches and never be too busy to think "I wonder what's up there".

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