THE FOREST GREEN: My Personal Monster    
 My Personal Monster4 comments
Wednesday, June 30th 2004, by Marissa A Spencer

My Personal Monster

Sometimes a person can have an experience that really defies the things you’ve been taught all your life. Human beings are very prone to self-deception, and I am not immune from this malady. I have not recently been able to do much meditation or reflection lately. My life seems to have taken a hectic turn recently. I do, however, try to remember the lessons I have been taught.

A few years ago I was very internally conflicted, I guess one would say. I have my share of neurosis and issues, just like most. I am in a sincere quest to better myself so I can be healthy and productive in life. I suppose you could say I am driven, but not in excess.

I was taking metaphysics class with one of my fellow reiki practitioners. He was teaching about meditation and other forms of inspiration and spiritual communication. I had started meditating, (no I have not done so lately), and very concerned with figuring out where I fit in the scheme of things and what I was supposed to accomplish here.

One afternoon, I was very tired and lay down to take a rest. I was suddenly overcome with a strange fatigue. I felt different. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was instantly somewhere else. This was not a dream, per se, but some kind of experience unlike any I have ever had.

There before me, suspended and writhing in fluid horror was a black creature. It did not seem to have any particular form. It hovered menacingly, reaching its disgusting tentacles toward me. I was both horrified and fascinated. I reached out and grabbed at the floating form. Each time I grasped at it, part of it would come off in my hands. I continued doing so until there was nothing left of the terrifying creature.

I thought, “What is this creature?”

A voice said softly in my mind.

“These are your fears.”


© June 30, 2004 Marissa A Spencer

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4 comments

30 Jun 2004 @ 22:25 by newdawn : well done
facing your fears and taking control of them is the only way to make positive steps in your life. As you found they just vanish as you confront them even though it may be scary doing that
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yes... I have help.. they do try... I try to listen.. but.. I am a stubborn person sometimes! lol  

1 Jul 2004 @ 05:39 by jazzolog : Monsters 'N Meditation
I think many of us who approach meditation seriously and in extended doses are encouraged to have a teacher around...and it is precisely for experiences like this one. At Karme Choling, a Tibetan Kagyu center in Vermont, back in the mid-70s when I went there the first time, a psychiatrist was on call---and needed by someone at one point. Stuff comes up from way inside when things truly quiet down topside. I had 2 or 3 experiences like this...and today they are not only still remembered graphically: they are treasured.

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I wasn't meditating.. that is the funny thing. I was just laying down to take a nap. go figure lol
This was a very brief experience and I awoke immediately after it. I sat up and felt rather foolish that I had to be shown this to get through my thick head.

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Yeah, but the effects of an intense discipline, which I presume Reiki can be, remain...and kick in at the oddest times. One of my strongest scares was during a blizzard in Buffalo, as I was driving along an unfamiliar street looking for an address. I heard unearthly laughter coming from the top of a nearby building. There was no visualization (or hallucination) but I was sure it was one of those terrifying protector gods.

---jazz

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yikes!

as for reiki... no kidding.. it has changed my perceptions a great deal.  

1 Jul 2004 @ 07:18 by celestial : celestial
I've had similar experiences. It seemed to me that a dream started playing out even though I was awake; you know something unusual is happening.

"Fear is the tax that conscience pays to guilt." - Sewell

Also, I love the picture ov lightning, trees, and root systems; they always cause me to think of dendrites!

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I love natures artistry...
Fear is a very debilitating thing.
Once you have experienced something like this, I think it forever changes you and how you see things.  

4 Jul 2004 @ 07:02 by spiritseek : creating our own monsters
I'm glad you wrote this Marissa, it helps me to think the why's of my night mares. They come from deep down repression of our deepest fears.I used to have a spirit torture me with pokes and jeering laughter, each time I awoke and fell back to sleep there it was again.

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I think our fears and insecurities find a way to surface, because our higher selves know we need to find a way to resolve them.  

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