Orgasmic Vancouver: Steven Wright Witticisms    
 Steven Wright Witticisms7 comments
28 Jan 2005 @ 22:46, by Robert Oveson


1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize .

2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3 - Half the people you know are below average.

4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5 - 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign ! of a bad memory.

8 - If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

9 - All those who believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my hand.

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked

something.

15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18 - Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

19 - I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.

20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your

horn louder."

24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is

research.

30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33 - Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.


[< Back] [Orgasmic Vancouver]

Category:  

7 comments

4 Feb 2005 @ 18:30 by gea : Chuckle, chuckle
Very Funny!Thanks! :-D  

4 Feb 2005 @ 21:30 by ov : Thanks Shakti
i got a few chuckles from them as well and I hope that they lightened your day. And they are light, they don't have that gallows humor about them, firmly in the humor camp and outside of satire. Not like one of my favorites.

"We could avoid the extinction of the human race but unfortunately it wouldn't be economically feasible."  

4 Feb 2005 @ 21:40 by gea : :-D
Good one. Yes, thanks, your entry lightened my day, considerably so.
Best wishes from Spain, Be Well, ov.  

18 Feb 2006 @ 20:07 by jobrown : Yeeeaaahhh, what a - bleeping trap they
created for themselves,huh?!....
"We could avoid the extinction of the human race but unfortunately it wouldn't be economically feasible." chuckle, chuckle. Good to see you, Ov! love/Astrid  

10 Feb 2012 @ 00:56 by cheap christian louboutins @112.111.172.52 : cheap christian louboutins
When I christian louboutins store saw my grades discount christian louboutin shoes sale and others of cheap louboutins the gap, when I christian louboutin boots stay on the desk doing nothing when, when christian louboutin discount I was in a corner of the classroom quietly when cheap christian louboutin pumps stunned, I had thought of it-the struggle. [link]  

10 Feb 2012 @ 01:04 by cheap christian louboutins @112.111.172.52 : cheap christian louboutins
I hope louboutins sales all people can christian louboutin boots happy, can in their respective christian louboutin ankle boots city, quiet and christian louboutin pumps to meet through, not a face of ZhangHuang new christian louboutin shoes standing in the crossing, lost all direction. [link]  

10 Feb 2012 @ 01:10 by nba shoes @112.111.172.52 : nba shoes
Elegant nba shoes people, solitude, static yu, or nba players shoes enjoy listening to music, or, it is a clear cheap nba shoes njoyment; The nba jerseys on sale nevertheless, a roll of in hand, read some deduce tracy mcgrady shoes story, in order to tracy mcgrady shoes recreation, and not for lonely have his teeth. [link]  

Your Name:
Your URL: (or email)
Subject:       
Comment:
For verification, please type the word you see on the left:

Other entries in
23 Jan 2005 @ 23:56: Aluna Joy
16 Nov 2004 @ 07:14: New Dawn Magazine
28 Jun 2004 @ 23:24: Thankful for Tapestry
18 Jun 2004 @ 23:45: Luna the Killer Whale
15 Jun 2004 @ 20:19: The Trouble With Islam


[< Back] [Orgasmic Vancouver] [PermaLink]?  [TrackBack]?