2001-11-26 12:46:02 -- http://www.lovethissite.com/asmile/smiletitle.jpg
TOP 25 SAYINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE ON THOSE OFFICE INSPIRATIONAL POSTERS
1. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
2. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security
3. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
4.We put the "k" in "kwality."
5.If something doesn't feel right, you're not feeling the right thing.
6.Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity
7.A person who smiles in the face of adversity...probably has a scapegoat.
8.If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the situation.
9.Plagiarism saves time.
10.If at first you don't succeed, try management.
11.Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
12.TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
13.The beatings will continue until morale improves.
14.Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
15.We waste time, so you don't have to.
16.Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
17.Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
18.A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
19.When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
20.INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
21.Succeed in spite of management.
22.Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.
23.We waste more time by 8:00 in the morning than other companies do all day.
24.You pretend to work, and we'll pretend to pay you.
25.Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore.
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Lord I PRAYer FOR ALL those who never see me
And Lord when I cry just hear meh please
But lord! should I brush my teeth before I talk to you or after?
lord its not easy to talk to you in the toliet you know!
I feel embrassed, what yuh think?
Lord do you see me when I undress my clothes?
And lord I can do with more meat oh meh skinny legs please
please lord give me an early respond, and don't give me it when am in my car, its dangerous^~^
Written by sindy*
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THINGS DOGS MUST TRY TO REMEMBER
The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff even though I haven't got a chance to rip the bag to shreds to see what was in it.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up or have an accident.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
I will not lick my human's face after eating animal dung.
"Kitty box crunchies" are not food!
I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard or house depending on which end processes it first.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
I will not take whatever I please and hide it under the bed so my people can have a scavenger hunt looking for it.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.
The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.
I will not stand around Mom when she is cooking or when she is carrying her coffee, so she won't trip over me.
I will not beg for food at the supper table, and especially not eat someone's food if they leave it for just a moment.
I will not tear up the patio furniture, or put holes in the screen so I may jump in and lounge, just because I don't want to stay outside for more than 2 minutes.
I will not chase the cat, and knock over breakable things in the process.
I will allow Mom and Dad some room and covers when we go to bed
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PSALM 23 FOR THE CYBER-AGE
The Lord is my programmer, I shall not crash.
He installed his software on the hard disk of my heart; all of His commands are user-friendly.
His directory guides me to the right choices for His name's sake. Even though I scroll through the problems of life, I will fear no bugs, for He is my backup. His password protects me. He prepares a menu before me in the presence of my enemies. His help is only a keystroke away.
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and my file will be merged with His and saved forever. Amen.
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Why It's Great to Be A Guy
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Phone conversations last 30 seconds
You know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes
A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase
Bathroom lines are 80% shorter
You can open all your own jars
Old friends don't care if you've lost or gained weight
When clicking through the channels you don't have to stop on every shot of someone crying
You don't have to lug a bag of "necessary" items with you everywhere you go
You can go to the bathroom alone
Your last name stays put
You can leave a hotel room bed unmade
You can kill your own food
The garage is all yours
You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment"
Cleaning the toilet is optional
You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes
Wedding plans take care of themselves
If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can still be your friend
Your underwear costs $7.50 for a pack of 3
None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry
You don't have to shave below your neck
You don't have to curl up next to some big, hairy guy every night
If you're 34 and single, no one notices
Chocolate is just another snack
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat
You never have to worry about other's feelings
Three pair of shoes are more than enough
You can say anything and not worry about what people think
You can whip your shirt off on a hot day
Car mechanics tell you the truth
You don't care if someone doesn't notice your new haircut
You can watch a game in silence for hours without your buddy thinking "He must be mad at me"
One mood, all the time
You can admire Clint Eastwood without having to starve yourself to look like him
Gray hair and wrinkles add character
Wedding dress $2000, Tux rental $100 bucks
You don't care if someone is talking behind your back
You don't pass on the dessert and then mooch off someone else's
The remote is yours and yours alone
You need not pretend you're "freshening up" when you go to the bathroom
If you don't call your buddy when you said you would, he won't tell your friends you've changed
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected
If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet
You think the idea of punting that small, ankle-biting dog is funny
If you retain water, it is in a canteen
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
Flowers and/or Duct Tape fix everything
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*20 Non-Inspirational Sayings*
1. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
2. The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
3. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
4. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
5. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
6. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
7. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
8. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism-to steal from many is research.
10. If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
11. Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
12. Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.
13. Half the people you know are below average.
14. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
15. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
16. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
17. Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
18. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
19. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
20. The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
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http://www.funnygreetings.com/ocean3/pig_fly_md_wht.gifhttp://www.funnygreetings.com/ocean3/pig_group_fly_md_wht.gifhttp://www.funnygreetings.com/ocean3/pig_fly_md_wht.gif
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HEY LOOK
ALL AM SAYING HERE IS JUST HAVE A NICE DAY (SMILE)
http://www.funnygreetings.com/raindrops/splash_md_blk.gifhttp://www.funnygreetings.com/raindrops/splash_md_blk.gifhttp://www.funnygreetings.com/raindrops/splash_md_blk.gif
and May all your troubles
be washed away!!
http://www.funnygreetings.com/raindrops/dance_lg_blk.gifhttp://www.funnygreetings.com/raindrops/rainguy_lg_blk.gif
and if the drops is to much to take
just look for a shelter, or a good warm cover ((smile))
sindywise@hotmail.com
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