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 A GREAT AMENDMENT
1 Aug 2007 @ 22:34, by Barak Negby

A GREAT AMENDMENT


“HE WHO SPARES HIS ROD / TRIBE HATES HIS SON”
(“CHOSECH SHIVTO SONEH BNO”)
PROVERBS 13, 24.

BY KABAL BARAK NEGBY
EDITOR: MALCA WILDER

During my studies I have realized a true and sound issue regarding which I have been mislead by sages using the following quotation from the book of Proverbs:
“He who spares his rod/tribe hates his son, and he who loves him is diligent to chasten him”(Proverbs 13, 24).




First of all it is important to understand that this is one of many proverbs related to a very wise king who often used to include in one proverb more than just one phase of the truth.
All through my life I believed in this explained idea. I thought that a good parent is the one who does not spare his rod of his sons in order to succeed and raise them properly so that they should become righteous adults leading families and tribes in Israel – but this interpretation was completely wrong.

Watching the youngsters of the society growing up I have realized an utterly opposite phenomenon.
Those adolescents who have been often offended by their parents have not become either honest or successful more than those raised by parents who cared for and respected them rather than punished them.

Now, while revealing the secrets of the weekly portions of the Pentateuch, I would like to note how we might identify the laws of God given to the people of Israel, as further on explained.

It is written:
“Thus you will heartily acknowledge that, just as a man tortures his son, so the Lord your God is torturing you” (Deuteronomy 8, 5).
We can herewith understand that the parent torturing his son is the one deserving the tortures from God. His son is not responsible, neither is he the cause for those disciplines. He is mainly the object by which the disciplining parent should be punished for God’s law chasing him due to his own evil deeds.
Nobody can avoid this law or be excluded from bearing it as this commandment derives from the Torah and should either be fulfilled or prevented in its appointed time.

All the ancient sages, the ‘Heart Sages’ of Israel (‘Chachmey Lev’) know that the word of the Torah of Israel overcomes any proverb or saying until they are completely void, as the wisdom of Israel derives but from the Torah of Israel.

It is written in ‘Midrash Rabah’, Exodus, portion 1, part 1:
“ ‘He who spares his rod/tribe hates his son, and he who loves him is diligent to chasten him’ –
The custom of the world is that when anybody is told that his son had been hit he becomes furious.
This verse ‘He who spares his rod/tribe hates his son’ indicates that anybody preventing his son from rebellion might drive him to fall into bad ways and end hating him.
This phenomenon occurred in the case of Ishmael who longed for Abraham but his father kept rejecting him until Ishmael fell into bad ways. Then Abraham despised him and sent him away at the age of fifteen”. - This whole process is strictly described in ‘Midrash Rabah’.

The wise man might question who is the transgression figure here – Is it the adult person, the father, or the young child? – Obviously Abraham was afflicted by Ishmael due to his own law granted by God while Ishmael was only the object through which Abraham and his family have been instructed.
Thus, the fact of Ishmael falling into bad ways is an unavoidable consequence of the previous actions performed by Abraham. Abraham rejected his son from his own family and tribe, thus increasing hatred and suffering amongst that very family. The cause of suffering preceded the process of affliction.

It is further on written in ‘Midrash Tanchumah’, Exodus, chapter 1;
“ ‘He who spares his rod/tribe hates his son’ – in order to teach you that all who prevent us from rebellion would cause an end of falling into bad ways and hatred”.
Here it is recognized that each child needs his period of rebellion while growing up. It is mostly advised not to oppose this rebellion but to join with the adolescent instead. Otherwise he would rebel his own parents falling into bad ways causing suffering and hatred.

The spreading opinion amongst the people of Israel that it is a restrict obligation to beat and behave fiercely towards the youth in order to raise him properly by force is utterly wrong and mistaken.
It has been based upon narrow-minded interpreters who never bothered to notice the essential difference between each and every child but saw all children as one identical structure instead.
Hence, each exceptional individual should be beaten and forced to behave properly.
This is an awful forbidden sin as well as a completely useless pattern of education that has utterly failed its purpose. On the contrary, many rebelling adolescents have fallen into crime and drugs for the very reason of causing shame and suffering to their abusing parents who have been mislead by those narrow-minded ideas.

Another false interpretation is given by Tanna Debbi Eliyahu has said (in Midrash Rabbah, chapter 18):
“A clever son sill make his father happy. But if the son has sinned in wisdom using his wisdom for idleness and waste and his father does not punish him – then it is written: ‘He who spares his rod/tribe hates his son, and he who loves him is diligent to chasten him’.”

Still another indication of pure ignorance mixing the cause and effect of a process:
The book of “The Lamp of Light” ('Menorath Hamaor'), letter 86:
“ ‘Isaac favoured Esau' (Genesis 25,28). Therefore Esau fell into bad ways as he was not loved and wanted. Esau has committed five sins that day: He has abused an engaged girl, killed a man, denied the resurrection of the dead, denied the principle of religion and despised birthright. Furthermore, he desired his father’s death and wanted to kill his brother, as written: “Mourning time for father is not far off; then I will kill my brother Jacob” (Genesis 27, 41). He has caused Jacob to run away from his ancestors while he himself has gone to Ishmael to learn bad ways from him, as written: “Esau went to Ishmael…” (Genesis 28, 9).
The true meaning of this story is completely opposite to the above mentioned interpretation:
All that Esau has done derived from a shameful attitude of a mother who loved and preferred one of her children while trying to eject and destroy her first born child. In addition there was the old father who had lost the ability to see and amend the terrible actions of that false plotting mother and her younger spoiled child.
The Book of “The Lamp of Light” has not considered the mother as an influencing figure at all as it is a fanatic religious book believing a mother is but a mechanic organism instead of a human being responsible for her own quality of thinking and acting.

This is undoubtedly a wrong idea as the mother has a most important meaningful responsibility in educating her child, as written:
“My son, heed the instruction of your father and reject not your mother’s teaching” (Proverbs 1, 8).

Hence it is obviously understood that Esau had rejected the teaching of his conspiring mother who preferred her second child. The reason of his falling into bad ways was the hatred of one of his parents and not the opposite process as so very falsely described above.

Thus it is understood that a child is not involved in creating the background of the negative actions along his education process whatsoever. In the beginning a child is ‘like a matter in the hands of the creator’. At a certain age each and every child has the urge to rebel. A wise and clever parent knows how to go through this period of rebellion as a companion together with his child instead of becoming the antagonized target of that rebellion.

In ‘The Holy Zohar’ those two meanings are indicated, as follows. (‘Zohar part 2, page 17/20:
“What is the meaning of: ‘He who spares his rod/tribe hates his son’? – I have hated him and therefore I have spared rod/tribe of them”.

The hatred of the parent is previous to any interpretation of the word 'rod' / ‘tribe’ (‘Shevet’).
It means 'spares his rod' but also 'spares his tribe’: his family and his natural environment.
‘Spares’ means also 'darkens' (In Hebrew the grammatical root of those two verbs is identical).
Hence this is a parent who darkens his child’s ability.
A child is like a lamp that should light and burn well far away.
Alas to the parent who darkens the light of his child!

A parent might do it by saying an apparently common sentence, such as:
‘What else can I expect of you?’ – or, for instance: ‘You will never be a real man’, etc.
Those awful sentences cause darkness and destruction to the delicate soul of the child forever and on.

It is mainly essential to remember:
A child is the fulfillment of both his father’s and mother’s prophecy.
Being evil prophesied – he becomes bad
Being well prophesied – he becomes good.

There exists one way only in order to amend the false deeds of parents who had reached the awful phase of beating their children – they should make an atonement and love their children forever, as written ('Sowing Light for the Righteous', letter 2):
“The answer is as follows: ‘He who spares his rod/tribe’ hates his son and loves him altogether”.

It should be herewith noted that the whole proverb is compound of two particles. There is another part which most of the interpreters have neglected due to either ignorance or other false ideas.
One should never perform only half of a deed instead of understanding the whole complex of an action.

The other part of that verse is - “and he who loves him is diligent to chasten him”. It means as follows:
The parent who loves his son precedes his own chastisement to that of his child.
The literal analysis is herewith explained:
“Loves” – The parent loves his child;
“Diligent” – The daybreak, the beginning; The head of all to come;
“Chasten” – The morals and ethics included in the attitude of the parent towards his child.

A parent who starts his day beating and blaming himself – will definitely continue to beat and blame his child.
A parent who begins his day praising and encouraging himself – will always praise and encourage his child as well.

In any case, a parent is never allowed to beat his son. It is a terrible unforgivable deviation by all means, as written:
“Thus you will heartily acknowledge that, just as a man tortures his son, so the Lord your God is torturing you” (Deuteronomy 8, 5).

Another proverb should be mentioned herewith:
“Educate a child according to his life requirements; even when he is old he will not veer from it” (Proverbs 22, 6).
The way and pattern of life of the youth never requires his being beaten by anybody whatsoever.
The parent should behave wisely using his wisdom to visualize the future aging of the youth.
The parent should then empower the education of his child’s virtues in order for him to enlarge those qualities up to reaching his specified uniqueness.

An apparently bad behaviour can bear a decent fine aging once it is treated properly. Such is, for instance, the case when a young boy has been found stealing something from his friends.
He could be shamefully scolded, thus darkening his inner lighted passion forever forming another abhorrent rebel.
On the other hand, he could be educated to use the natural talent of alertness in order to become an expert of marvelous magic, thus achieving pride and honor for himself and his parents.

The people of Israel should mostly beware the stigma of beating or abusing children.

May all Israel bear the virtues of integrity, righteousness and service of God forever – AMEN!



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