10 Dec 2006 @ 00:44
Had a rather weird and interesting marriage (28 years) breakup three years ago and I wrote this during the last days. Tis different from my usual stuff! TRUE STORY....
We met under seemingly fateful and auspicious circumstances. It was love at first sight. Meeting in the early evening and living together by midnight. A mere five months later in Australia she became pregnant. The first of three. I delivered two of them. Over the next ten years we bought land and homesteaded, eventually I got sick of the isolation and wanted to join the mainstream. My partner reluctantly agreed to leave her piece of paradise. We eventually returned to the city (after a failed rural land based venture near the city and building a house at a beach resort) where I worked as a counsellor/therapist in A&D. After 21 years of the family thing (family: another story) and still with a deep abiding love for each other I left to go to the US for a working tour. I was on a road-show leading and co-leading Deep Ecology, Co gender, and emotional release workshops. I was feeling profoundly empowered and thought that I had finally found my calling. The lead up to feeling so empowered is a story on it’s own. Briefly: I had fallen in love and lust with a Californian woman. I had powerful desire to consummate this, and just incidentally my partner and I had expected this of me (acting out on sexual desire that is). By some means: I think it was through some sort of grace (or perhaps personal integrity, the grace came later) or something. In any event, I managed to navigate this whole territory with a great degree of authenticity and awareness. Honouring the feelings and doing a meaningful and profound ritual together that resulted in what I describe as an archetypal experience that left me loving all women. Somehow I had this sense that I was seeing the Goddess in them. This experience set me up to be able to do the co-gender work with a presence that I had never felt before. As well as placing me in a state of grace or so it seemed, with what I called spiritual monogamy as a feature. I was comfortable and at ease with my sexuality knowing that I had free choice and that I choose monogamy. The thought of acting out on carnal desires or notions of romantic love appeared to be a dishonouring of this newly found state. For the first time in my life I felt that I could trust myself. More >
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