What's REALLY happening?

What's REALLY happening? Ariane Online 2011-02-06T12:42:29Z User 618 http://www.newciv.org/nl/newslog.php/_v618/ OrgSpace NewsLog 100% automated online income

Once upon a time, there was tiny blue planet. It was spinning peacefully in the lower left corner of the Andromeda galaxy around a pale yellow star, called the Sun.

The inhabitants first discovered weapons, than fire, then the wheel, a bit later electricity and half conductors, and it inevitably lead to the development of computers, networks and Cisco routers. A special breed of people had also developed, who found pleasure in fostering automation and widening networks, the locals called them Operators, Programmers and Network Specialists.

The funding rich military eagerly supported the planet wide connections of these computer networks, of course to be able to use them for their dark and sinister purposes. But then they generously - although not without ulterior motives - allowed the common population to gain access. Thus the internet came to live, a global communication network. They also called it the „world wide web” – but this was a misnomer as it was only connecting the computers of their little blue planet, and the bandwidth was also rather narrow in the first few decades.

As soon as it became less expensive and broadly available, most of the population started to use the network.

In the beginning they logged on to enjoy the quick and cheap long distance messaging, called e-mail. Some exhibitionist started to broadcast their personal messages through web-logs, blogs. But most of the population logged on to get entertained by porn, games, free movies, gambling and gossip news. Almost forgot to mention an insignificant number of people who logged on to look for some actual information, but this was almost negligible, and useful information was also rare.

The smartest users, the entrepreneurs quickly saw the opportunity to sell things, utilizing the possibility to reach a large audience with relatively low costs. They called it „making money on the internet”. But they did not really make money, the banks had.

Due to the diligent work of such online marketers and the overwhelming amount of SPAM they sent out, buyers also started to appear.

But it meant hard work. To sell online one had to research the market, optimize websites, write meaningful articles, provide interesting information, be active on other forums and blogs, read the posts of others and comment intelligently, build a faithful audience, lists and back links... So it was a fulltime job again, nothing to do with the promise of freedom they came in for.

Thus came the era of the even smarter marketers, who wanted to make more money with less work, and reach total independence from the system, the system of their dreams, the holy grail, a cash machine, which deposits a constant stream of money in their bank account day and night, without having to do anything, except logging on and seeing the heaps of cash that arrived since the last log-on. And maybe a little brainwork of how to spend it.

The smart marketers figured, that more automation would be the solution, because this way they can create a mass of websites with a mass of content reaching a huge number of potential buyers and building top rankings to their sites in a very very short time. Their allies, the Programmers designed systems for them to automatically create new websites and fill them with auto-content. Blogging robots started to create auto-sites, write auto-blog-posts and post them automatically day and night by the millions. The robots also created auto e-zines and send them out to automatically built email lists. The readers did not notice that it was all automatically written, because the Programmers were really smart. The readers got used to reading crap anyway, or they used advanced spam filters.

In the same time, to alleviate the hard work of building back-links by reading the blog of other writers and commenting, the solution of auto-comments was also born. It worked brilliantly, generating billions of smart sounding comments daily, including back links to the sales sites.

We did not even mention automated article writing and customer support – this was usually solved by applying inexpensive organic slaves from the poorly developed regions of the planet.

By the time we found this little blue planet, which is still spinning peacefully around a pale yellow star called the Sun, all human life was entirely wiped out by an accidental launch of mass distraction weapons that sent the radiation level out the roof.

But the internet remained intact and it still works, and it is very rich in content.
Blogging robots constantly post and refresh the content, comment robots read it and reply. Spam robots send out automated e-zines and newsletters to robot generated email recipients and automated lists. Automated buyers purchase automated products, and the virtual money is deposited in the online bank accounts.

All automatic, no work required.

It is a pity that this special breed of Programmers also died in the cataclysm, we could have used them to automate our planet, too...
]]> http://www.newciv.org/nl/newslog.php/_v618/__show_article/_a000618-000018.htm 2011-02-06T12:42:29Z 2011-02-06T13:13:32Z Where are all the people?!

It’s a small town. I am at the nearest local pub, listening to the pub owner’s wailing about tough economic times. We are only 2-3 guests at this pub, besides the bartender who is the daughter of the owner. This part of town has only a few pubs left, but they equally struggle because of the guests staying away. And it seems that this trend is getting worse.

Still after the turn of the millennia, only 5-10 years ago, apparently you needed to edge in sideways and elbow through the crowd of people to order your beer. There was a busy kitchen, a restaurant, large parties held and loads of guests in the pub every night.

It is similar in the other local pubs and restaurants too. They are almost empty. Home delivery is their only hope to survive. It is not much fun then to visit them either.

It is kind of strange around here for a woman to go alone to the pub – but being an independent woman I hardly care. However, they mostly like me as I like to listen to their stories with some genuine interest, so I easily make friends. But unfortunately there are not many people to talk to and the range of subjects is also more limited around survival issues: mostly about the messy economics and administration, finding or keeping a work and justice – getting along in a difficult world.

But still, how come pubs are empty now and have been full 5-10 or more years ago? It is explained that the economic situation turned worse, people have no or less money, they struggle to survive with their families so there is no money left to go to the pub or a restaurant. And they are burned out, so they don’t go out anymore, but sit at home and that’s that. I am not sure that this is the case.

My theory is that it is not only a money issue. People had not much more money 5-10 years ago either, so how come that the restaurants and pubs have been full around here? Whatever they say, they did not have much more to spend. They rather had more willingness to spend it, more hope for the future, more vigor, more feeling of abundance - more life!

It is obvious, that in the last years people seem to have become more introverted, turned more isolated, and minding their own business or that of their family. It is easier to meet someone at the hypermarket or a shopping mall than in a pub with pals.

Let’s face it, certain technologies and developments aid that introverted way of life too. Computers, Internet, virtual games and communities, play stations, TV series, and more TV series... creativity is not much needed, you just push a button and you get entertained.

It is much harder to go to a pub, and listen to others, agree or disagree, get your opinion across, and stand up for it if you have one.

At home, at little cost or effort, you can immerse is your favorite substitute universe, created for you by others, you are not bothered, do not need to think or empathize or defend, don’t need to listen to the opinions of idiots, they can keep it for themselves, and you can be left alone in peace... just inflow, slurp it in.

Let’s face it, what happens when you go to a pub? You get in contact with others - some of them you like or sympathize with, some you don’t like or can’t stand. Some you would avoid at all costs if you had a choice… But there are some interesting people you like to talk to. And you either talk or listen. If you listen, what do you have to listen to? People walk up to you, telling about their life, their narrative or story, which is mostly about succeeding in life or troubles along the way, the way they are messed with at the workplace, loosing or getting a job, the economic issues they face, mortgage rates going up, minorities, discrimination, injustice, troubles with the opposite sex, or the favorite sport club loosing again. If you decide to talk, when you originate your opinion, it is often challenged, opposed, straight invalidated, or you even might get ridiculed, laughed at or excluded. And there is the random stuff, someone attacking you physically or verbally, smoke blown in your face, toes get stepped on.

So you need some integrity, some vigor, some willingness to have a game, some empathy, regard for the viewpoint of the other or willingness to have a good debate or fight. Or even more, you need to take charge of a conversation, to reach an agreement, without loosing your own viewpoint. Now that is hard work.

As opposed to that, what do you need when you just stay at home after work, with those cheap beers you just bought at the hypermarket or discounter store?
You need your eyeballs open, stuck to a TV screen or a computer monitor, and a finger to click the remote control or the browse button. Maybe a few fingers more if you are playing a video game. And a strict policy so no one dares to disturb you when you face a screen. That is it.

But where does that lead to?

I am afraid, that if it continues this way at a mass scale, then this playing ground, this universe might get rather abandoned. More and more turn away the games played here and sink into a substitute world, which they are not really controlling, as it is created by someone else. It happened before…

But where will these people end up? It is possible that they will not even be part of a common universe anymore, but disappear in some personalized substitute worlds – arriving at a complete inversion of a unique, self created home universe of an individual god?

Practically this means, that more pubs will close, and this world will be a more and more lonely place...

Or not?

There are also hopeful signs that more and more people think similarly about all this, and they take the time and care and effort involved to come together, share their views, reach agreements and play the game. Only issue is that a growing number of these communities are in virtual space, given that the members live all over the world – which makes even more of us stick in front of a computer screen at our desks, if we want to stay connected to our friends.

But I want the ambiance of live pubs, live cafés, with lots of life and possibility to meet old and new friends!

There could be a combination of old and new ways: real-time online places where pub goers could virtually come together, each sitting in their local pub, leaning on the familiar oak bar, sipping a familiar local beer, while being connected through a camera and headset, talking to like minded friends also sitting in their local pub. Unfortunately there is also a time zone issue – but one can take a tea if it is still morning.

But that is still not the same than meeting and communicating live, face to face.

The question is open: is the time for real pubs and cafés and nights-talked-through over some drinks with friends start to be over?!
]]> http://www.newciv.org/nl/newslog.php/_v618/__show_article/_a000618-000017.htm 2010-09-26T16:04:26Z 2010-09-26T16:42:56Z Considerations on writing

Have not published in a while.

How come? I am full of ideas, I often note them down and work on some of them.
They are in my computer and on pieces of paper, waiting to be published.

I have all kind of great visions, how my input will add to the collective knowledge of the world, how it will inspire others when they read it...
Still, I am somehow not able to publish.

And even worse, I cannot put my finger on it, why I can not.
I blogged here earlier, I also send out a newsletter and write on mailing lists - and the feedback I got is usually very positive, encouraging. No reason to back off.

It seems to be a kind of a weird writers block.

I figured, there are two equal opposing truth must be present to block the flow of me publishing.

As Niels Bohr, the Danish physicist, once said,

"A great truth is a truth whose opposite is also a great truth."

The truth I want to speak about might not be great, nevertheless it is the truth.

So I decided to put forth my considerations and thoughts openly, however silly they may seem.

I just started to list out my ideas as they come up, which I believe hold me back from blogging or publishing. They seem to be opposite enough to stop me.

Will it help? We will see soon enough.
At least I will be aware of my own limiting ideas.
Or I will see how silly they are and that might help me reconsider.
So let's start. Let my considerations come up and shine in the broad daylight of the world wide web!

Why do not I publish?

Noone or only a few folks will ever read my blogpost, so whats the use?

Too many people will read it.

What will the readers think about me?

How will I deal with the attention?

There will be no feedback.

There will be a huge reaction, many comments - will I be able to deal with it?

Noone will care anyway, so whats the use?

Some will not like what I write.

Some will not agree.

Many will like what I write, then I have to excel even more.

My writing will invite adverse reactions, even attacks.

The quality might not be high enough.

There is too high quality, then I will have to match or write even better.

If I start to publish regularly, it is expected that I continue.

I cannot exatly express what I have in mind.

It might not cover the choosen topic 100%, for perfectionist it is unacceptable.

For a perfectionist, it is never perfect.

I seem to be a perfectionist.

Sigh... :)

(If I come up with more, I just edit the article and extend it. It has got to be a Perfect List of All Reasons!)
]]> http://www.newciv.org/nl/newslog.php/_v618/__show_article/_a000618-000016.htm 2010-07-16T22:57:50Z 2010-07-16T23:27:27Z Happy spinning!

Don't you feel dizzy?

No, that is not only from the after effects of the new year party.

Our blue planet has just celebrated the completion
of another cycle around this local medium sized star,
called the Sun.

The planetary population signifies this special occurrence by some typical actions: in Denmark throwing dishes at friends doors, in Spain eating 12 grapes, in Italy and Hungary cooking lentils and in Brazil putting on bright yellow underwear...

What all this have to do with completing another full circle around the
Sun? Beats me. I guess we just love to think in cycles.

Of course it is a good reason to celebrate - as our home planet is still
in one piece, it was not blown up by humans, was not hit by a stray
asteroid or comet, its magnetic field is still in place - though not very
stable.

Have you realized, that we are spinning around and around, in many
different direction at once, all the time?

First of all, Earth is spinning around its axis, very fast (too fast) -
many of us would prefer to slow it down a little, so a day would last
more like 30-40 hours...

Then, Earth is cycling around the Sun, giving a good reason to have a big
party and legally explode a large amount of fireworks at midnight once a year.

But it goes further. The whole solar system, with the sun in the middle,
is spinning around the center of our galaxy called the Milky Way (no,
it's not the chocolate bar) on a complicated orbit at a pretty high speed
of 217.215 Km/s. The Solar System completes one track around the galaxy
each 226 million years, so it is unlikely that we will celebrate a new
galactic year's eve nowadays, unless we assign the start of a new cycle
as of now.

Here is some more info about all the different motions the solar system
is performing on its way.

Finally our galaxy is also spinning around on its course through the
space and dark matter of this universe... maybe the whole universe is
also spinning, on that subject I have not yet found many references - but
there are times when I have a strange feeling...

Dizzy yet?

Dizzy or not, there is almost no way to get off of this carousel ride!

So, we just keep on spinning happily - looks like one can get pretty much
used to it.

There are some interesting stellar times ahead, as it is just confirmed
by official sources that our solar system is just passing through an
interstellar cloud consisting of 6000 degree Celsius hot Helium atoms
held together by a magnetic field.

But don't trouble your mind over all this. The chance of being hit by a sizable
asteroid is pretty small, it only happens once in every 100 million years.

To end off on a lighter note, I tell you a secret that I heard new years
eve, which you can test next new years eve: standing on a table or couch,
holding your wealth in your hands and jumping off exactly at midnight,
will bring wealth and double whatever you held in your hand.

I was holding my cat accidentally, so I can certainly expect some
kittens in 2010...

HAPPY SPINNING!

]]> http://www.newciv.org/nl/newslog.php/_v618/__show_article/_a000618-000015.htm 2010-01-07T19:43:35Z 2010-01-07T20:29:11Z Truth or a lie?

How can you know that there is a lie involved in something?

Very simple. If that thing or situation or condition you want to change is NOT CHANGING, than you have not found and looked at the truth yet.

If any condition persists, if the state of affairs are unchanging, than you can be sure of one thing: there is a lie involved somewhere along the line in that equasion. You are not looking at the truth, however you try to believe that you do.

All too common examples

You say, that you do everything possible to improve your health. Let’s say, you want to loose weight, but you are not loosing any. You swear that you do everything, keep the diet, excercise program, go out jogging or walking more often – but that fat is not getting off. Damn! Honest, you only skipped every second training, only took one or two extra cookies or meals a day, only that little extra piece of pizza, it cannot do much harm! Well, let’s face it, the scale shows it’s not changing, so there is a lie involved...

Another example, financial situation, unchanging. Being in debts all the time. Oh, you wonder why? You find all kind of reasons, try this and that, but the debts just stay or grow. So the truth is somehow not confronted. The truth is, debts only collect up when one is simply spending more than one earns, and that for a long time.

Rock bottom

So the thing to do is to view your situation, your habits or the condition you find yourself in as-it-is. Rock bottom - that is, not trying to paint a better picture than it is. Not trying to explain it away at all. No justifications. Just look at it and see it as it is, and tell yourself straight what you see.

Painful? First it might seem like it. But not really. It is actually a relief to find out and view the real truth. You will suddenly see the light at the end of the tunnel. Your honesty to yourself will help you confront the situation for real, and it will open the door the solution and the permanent change.

Change

Your mind is such a powerful device that whatever you think will become your reality and it will affect your way of experiencing life. So it’s good to realize, that you have the power to change anything, including your own mind. Indeed, you are so powerful, that YOU are the only person who can change your mind.

But before you can change your mind about anything, you must dare to take a peek and see the truth of what is there to be changed – the existing thought, the exact truth of your considerations. You can only change your mind about something that you SEE exactly as it is!

Do you like yourself?

Next time I will write about the long term effects of self deception. Why is it that you don’t really like yourself? How can you ever find any peace of mind? ]]> http://www.newciv.org/nl/newslog.php/_v618/__show_article/_a000618-000014.htm 2009-12-01T02:05:56Z 2009-12-01T02:09:37Z How far can you go?

I have not written much lately, reason being that I cannot (or should not) type. One of my shoulders suffered a hard blow and got crippled last Monday in a sport accident. The doctors advised me of course not to move at all for about three to six weeks – doctors are known to give realistic, easy-to-keep advices… So here I am, after only a short week, doing the chores around the house, typing away on the computer, playing piano, gardening. As my body is not used to sitting around, I even tried some light workout, all in an effort trying to rest the bad shoulder.

So, how have I got into that situation? Truth of the matter is that I have made a mistake. Not even one, but actually a whole bunch of mistakes, resulting in the accident. It actually turned out quite lucky in compare to the circumstances. I fell under and was simply run over by my horse – and horses tend to be heavy when they trample over a shoulder.

At this time I was able to conclude from a subjective experience that one needs to omit a whole bunch of safety precautions in order to manage a nice accident. It is not enough to make just one small error. It is a whole list of things that have to be overlooked, causing trouble.

What have I learned? Well, a lesson, that in technical sports one always needs to check the equipment and take the usual precautions. Regardless of all those years of experience, one should not get too cocky. Regardless of being an expert, one just needs to play by the rules, as the physical world is cruel and unforgiving.

Yesterday I went back to my sport club and chatted to some people about what happened. In an honest mood, I confessed all the mistakes that lead to the accident. I also added that it can happen despite more than 20 years of experience.

At that point an intellectual looking college student-type girl, overhearing the conversation asked, how could one err so badly? She nailed me, telling it’s simply NOT POSSIBLE to make such mistakes, especially when one is so experienced.

So there I was, my sole reality questioned. It’s not possible. So maybe it did not happen? But it did.
Her question raised my interest. So if it’s not possible – how could it happen anyway?

I started to look at it philosophically. How come, we know exactly what to do, how to do something correctly – still we just don’t do it? How come we don’t care sometimes and go into all kind of dangerous situations, and see if we can pull it off? The proverb “to err is human” did no satisfy me. I looked for some deeper answers. Then I asked around from my friends, and the answers I got confirmed my ideas.

It seems to me there are the following reasons:

One: We like to stretch the limits.
Yes, we do. And it seems that without doing that, there is not much progress. Playing it safe has not brought any breakthroughs for mankind. Most discoveries, forward steps in history were involving some risky business.

Two: We like to learn.
The desire to learn is a deep and ancient need. It saturates most of our experiences. And how can one ever progress or learn, after having fully mastered an area, and always using “best practices”? Sometime we choose to learn by letting things slip a bit, so new situations can emerge, that we need to figure out. It involves taking risks of course, and sometimes “bad” things happen. But, some learning always results.

Three: We like surprises – to experience something new.
It’s simply not much excitement to always know the next event. After a while it’s boring to have total control. When the behavior of something is fully predictable, a large part of the fun is gone. So one needs to set up situations with some unpredictable factors, so surprise gets a chance. And so we create some fun – sometimes the outcome is a little hard on the body, but we must admit it is still fun. Ask any racer.

Actually the three reasons are very similar, coming from a basic polarity.
There are two ends of the pendulum swing: one is to keep total order, to get everything fully under control. The other end is to see how far can one go with it?
And the pendulum swings, back and forth. We learn how to control an area – then we reach a point where it is “too much”, too predictable – and we start to swing toward the other end, let it go out of control to some degree and stretch the limits.

The long and short of it, if you want to play it safe, if you don’t want surprises then learn your subject well and play by the rules. Check and double check your equipment, and do the usual.

But if you are ready for some fun, unpredictable changes, learn some new things, involving some risks, then by any means, go for it! I will not even add, to know your limits – I know it is exactly the question: what are the limits!?
]]> http://www.newciv.org/nl/newslog.php/_v618/__show_article/_a000618-000013.htm 2009-11-15T23:45:55Z 2009-11-16T00:03:23Z The worst lie

They say, you can lie to others but you cannot lie to yourself. Now, I can tell you from hard won experience, that this is totally the opposite. It seems that the person you are most likely to lie to on a daily basis is noone else but YOU. „Oh, that cannot be, I am so honest, how could I c...

First of all, sometimes one makes a mistake or does something harmful. And because we are natively well intentioned, such deeds need to be explained somehow, we feel a strong need to justify them. To save face, you need to dream up some reason why that deed or error was inevitable or not too bad really.

For example, you overspend your budget, then you tell yourself that it was really necessary for your survival, or you simply had to buy that pair of shoes. Or you knock off and break that precious piece – why did some idiot put it right there behind you?! Or you are overdue with a project – well, the computer broke down, and you lost some data, and that answer you expected did not arrive in time... You get the point.

What are the consequences of justifications? If you do not really look at what you did, there will be no change – the same habitual mistakes or errors will tend to happen again and again. We all have a strong urge to be right – because we ARE right – that to prove it, we are compelled to do it all over again. Strange, but true.

The second area of lies is that of apparent disabilities. We hate when we find ourselves unable to do something, so we do everything we can to dream up explanations to make it seem logical. Examples: „It is too much work, I cannot handle it” – „I cannot study” – „I cannot focus, I’m unable to concentrate...” – „ I am tired, it is too hard for me...” – „I can never learn to ...”

Fact, that you are able to learn or do anything. It is just simply cheating yourself telling you “can’t do such and so”. You are much more capable than you ever imagined. But telling that you can’t, sure gives you lots of interesting games, nice juicy problems to keep yourself busy with, to occupy your mind, and mainly to divert your attention from the real, deeper issues of your life that you really don’t want to look at.

The third large area of self deception is to be convinced that one already does everything possible. One anyway tends to go toward the least resistace, or stay in a comfort zone – while we know damn well that to achieve anything great, one needs to step out of it.

I can only say, stop kidding yourself. You can do much more than you believe. The thing to do when you think "I can’t take it anymore" is to go the opposite way. Instead of cutting down your reach, simply take on even more to do. Bravely step out of your comfort zone. Widen your sphere of responsibility – and you will grow but quick. You will suddenly accomplish much more, and your problems will diminish. You know the saying, when you want something done give it to a busy man. Sounds tough, but this is the truth.

So, in summary, if you notice you are explaining away something you did, or you pretend you are not able to do something, or when you feel “you are over your limits” – just stop for a moment, and take a good look. Are you kidding yourself?!

Look, you are highly capable. Indeed, you are so powerful, that noone can help or change you. You are the only one who can change your mind.

*

Next time I will tell you about how you can notice if there is a lie involved in something?
]]> http://www.newciv.org/nl/newslog.php/_v618/__show_article/_a000618-000012.htm 2009-11-07T14:52:33Z 2009-11-07T14:53:23Z You can just be

There is a little secret I want to remind you (and myself) about.

The trick to getting admiration is just being yourself.

No matter who you are, there is something special about you.
You are unique in many ways.

Maybe you're hiding it, maybe you're denying it... Maybe someone told you, that you couldn't or shouldn't... Maybe you tried your best and it was just never enough.

But underneath all that is who you really are.

Not the loser, but the winner, for you can't do anything but shine brighter than a supernova unless you allow yourself to be stopped. Noone can stop you, once you have started.

You've never been alone. The total separation of things in this universe is an illusion.

All the love you've ever wanted to share is right here for you, in you. All you have to do is speak up, make yourself known.

Those who care are listening. Indeed, we are always listening, for you have never left co-existence. And having forgotten, I now remember, as you can remember.

You can be free.

And you can.... just be.]]> http://www.newciv.org/nl/newslog.php/_v618/__show_article/_a000618-000011.htm 2009-11-02T11:57:13Z 2009-11-02T12:00:35Z The clouds of the Apocalypse

Very good subject for the night of Halloween. It would also fit well in a disaster movie.

Such clouds first appeared in 2009. The meteorologists have no clue how these clouds form, but of course they've put a name tag on the phenomena. They named it Asperatus-cloud, or Apocalypse-cloud. Typical way to deal with observations that don't fit into any category - in other words, mysteries.

Let's be blunt: it looks freaking scary, out of this world! But it is real. Welcome to Planet Earth, 2009.

These clouds were first observed in Iowa, while the weather was totally still, no storm, nothing. There are ideas that the phenomena has to do with gravitational vawes, but of course there is no evidence. Only guesswork and semi-scientific theories. Only one thing they are sure about: such clouds could only form if there is a huge amount of energy and humidity present in the atmosphere. But then it is even more bizarre that there was no storm, no super cell, no tornado in the area of the sightings.

And if it is not enough, there is more.

Just a few days ago, in October 2009, an even more bizarre cloud formation appeared above Moscow - a sort of bright ring. You can see a short video on YouTube.

The local meteorologists acknowledged the observation, but they only provided an short, funny explanation, that it was the sun shining in a strange angle from the West. Well, I am not a specialist, but this seems a little weak story for such a fascinating, shining cloud ring.

Of course, UFO enthusiasts went wild. But lets stay on the ground for now. There are no explanations yet, only question marks. Is this the climate that is changing? Pollution? An experimental weather influencing project? An invisible jet?
Or was it really a flying saucer that has just passed by Moscow?

I'm looking forward to hear your explanations, on this scary, dark, full-moon Halloween night!
]]> http://www.newciv.org/nl/newslog.php/_v618/__show_article/_a000618-000010.htm 2009-11-01T00:08:04Z 2009-11-01T00:17:56Z Life reboot - Part 3: Recognizing the trap

Part 1: Waking up Part 2: The trap Have you ever felt like you are dragging yourself through life? Well, I have. On Mondays I wished it was Friday already. When the weekend finally came I got soon bored and it passed by so quickly I hardly noticed. In the autumn I looked forward the winter...

That was how I felt most of the time, and it had nothing to do with sleep. It never happened that I jumped out of bed early, full of energy, even before the alarm went off. In fact I hardly heard the beep-beep, and when I did, I snoozed it many times before I dragged myself out of bed, still tired, having no idea why should I wake up at all?

Before I was very proud of my appearance, but when I fell into the trap of lost purposes, I took less care of my body. My clothes were getting out-dated, as it did not matter anyway – I was sitting at home, withdrawn from the world of action out there.

I did not feel like reaching out to meet new people or reconnecting with old friends. I was living a kind of withdrawn, hermit life. I explained it away, telling myself that I anyway don’t meet those that I really want to meet. I was surrounded by people who did not really understand me in my opinion – I was living in a different world.

If any of these symptoms sound familiar to you, then I can tell you now one thing: you might also have one or more life purposes that you gave up. A purpose you THINK you cannot achieve anymore.

I started to look for entertainment in the form of food, TV, sweets, or whatever addictive stuff, to get a kick out of life. I became an emotional eater, putting on weight slowly but surely, despite all the sports I pursued. I was snacking every evening, nurturing my troubled soul with some sweets or chocolate.

Don’t get me wrong: I think life is something to enjoy – I love fun and entertainment, good food and wine, sex and adventure – and all the great things life can offer.
But I caught myself using some of these things as a substitute, in place of the REAL thing, instead of passionately working on my life purpose.
At one point, I got really suspicious.

I pointed these tough question at myself:
So, what is it, that you originally wanted to accomplish in your life?
What is it you are here for?
And I suddenly remembered my purpose, which I (almost) gave up.

Oh, that was very painful first, when I really started to confront what I’ve set out to do and how far I got, in compare to where I wanted to get.

Now, that is hard to look at, especially when the purpose became occluded, invalidated, given up, and you've subconsciously decided that it CANNOT BE DONE. When you really believe, that the purpose of your life has apparently failed, and so your life also failed.

I admit, I bought the idea that it is impossibly anyway: there are extreme obstacles, insurmountable barriers preventing me from reaching that purpose. My confidence and self esteem was too low, and my fear grew too great to go against all those odds.

But when I suddenly woke up, I started to change my mind. A quote from a Roman Emperor, Marcus Aurelius, also helped:
“It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.”
I though – what the heck? I want to live. It is time to live, and it is NOW.

Ok, but those obstacles were still very real. Not only real, but they seemed overwhelming...

I am not saying it is easy.
There is no way out of any trap, if one cannot confront certain barriers.
So I realized that if I were to change, I needed to step out of my perceived comfort zone.
It turned out, that it is not even so uncomfortable as I believed it first – on the contrary, it is a lot more fun, then living imprisoned by my very own mind…

*

In the next chapter I will tell you more about the anatomy of the trap of failed purposes and give you a hint how to get out.

*

Before I leave you with your thoughts, let me complete the quote from Father Alfred D Souza, which also helped me:
"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin .

- At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.”

***
Part 4 coming soon: Why is it a trap?]]> http://www.newciv.org/nl/newslog.php/_v618/__show_article/_a000618-000008.htm 2009-10-31T15:09:31Z 2009-11-01T14:45:42Z