 5 Dec 2006 @ 13:36, by Alana Tobin
In response to Heidi’s October posting…at her personal (b)log, one so timely for me to come upon tonight…What I've been thinking Heidi inspired me to share....the following. And at first I hadn't seen that she in fact did the same...instead of replying to another post, like me, Heidi wrote her piece in her log. I started to make a comment and it grew into a movement…fit for this space. Thank you for being here Heidi in this virtual NCN place!!
Photo Image: taken at Mum's garden just over a week ago...the lovely leaves catch the tears of rain...to caress them ever so gently.
And on this full moon in the sign of Cancer…the energies are supportive of accessing the mystery, and the magic of opening to a deepening of feelings, as we remember what it is to nurture love, and be nurtured and so these words began to flow just like water…
Heidi, “I hear ya sister...and I feel ya”...and the thoughts and words expressed within your writing...I can so relate with…I thank you for sharing as you have with us here in NCN …You really touched me deeply at the most perfect of times when an experience riled me, and I felt Wow…what can I do now and how can I be with this?
And then, I was guided to your space of sharing and caring, and was inspired to write the following, even as it had me stay up later than I had expected, and even though your feelings in words were shared almost two months ago. Perhaps you continue to still feel some of those same feelings and ponder some of the same thoughts. Well at least some-times.
Some-times…
… words are an assault, even with the most loving of intentions – (words even care-fully considered) are as daggers...and attitudes of optimism and philosophical principles shared without respect for the pain… (whether inside ourselves or another), are as fruitless as planting seeds in cement...and as intrusive as a hypodermic needle shot into a wound…Lacking in empathy and compassion, even though our intent is one of promoting healing, we are ever so much all of us, encountering opportunities to learn the ways as to how we can genuinely care for ourselves and extend that caring to others.
Have you ever pondered about sharing abundance concepts to a homeless lady or man on the street, as if to assume they must not know about such laws or principles or about how they create their own reality, for surely if they did, they would not be homeless…And do you dare to ask your self what about this situation or person am I uncomfortable with here? And why do I feel the need or desire to effect change in this instance at all?….we don't even know their story...or how it is they came to be where they are at...
What if they, are an angel sent by God especially to us for an express purpose?…Aren’t we all…Angels sent by God?
How naive of us to assume anything by appearances...
And just because we feel uncomfortable or awkward, and want to assist or calm a person down, in order that we can feel better…when perhaps that person may simply need to get worked up, to express or vent their feelings...which may have taken them years to get to… frozen emotions… finally in the process of a healthy thaw and right at this very moment we show up.
Sometimes when I see someone in pain, someone close or someone I barely know...I breathe and offer a prayer, I pause...and yet at other times I forget…to ask what can I do or say right now to help?....whether in silence or words actually spoken? Shall I simply witness in silent compassion?...without that I need do anything?...
May be…I can simply witness with love...and share my presence?
Sometimes isn’t THAT enough?
How often do we simply listen? And… for how long?...without that we say a word...to be with…in empathy…to acknowledge that we hear, and that we care.
Sometimes the love we are inspired to share...calls up even more pain - love is like that… what then?
And at those times we can do or say all the most loving things, and they can be helpful, but appear to be the contrary… or not be so helpful… and leave us feeling as though we have failed to show up in the way that may have been needed or desired….and this calls up even more pain…in us?
Do you find it increasingly important to discern when to speak or when to be silent, and when it may be best to walk away or to stay… to be present?
We as humans are sometimes so easily put off by pain, intolerant, resistant or unwilling to simply witness or support someone through the pain because it calls up our own pain and we would prefer to not feel it, not NOW or sometimes not even later.
And then there are those times….when we find it difficult to be with pain without that we react, reject or judge, or fix...and even as we try to make it better with words, with food, with drink, with sex, with distractions of some sort or another…for them or for us,….yes FOR US…
….because we think to feel pain is to give into it in some way that will take us off the course of happiness…and worse …to feel the pain will be destructive…… and yet the pain lingers on and on…because we resist and fight it….and won’t allow it…or the healing… or the process that will take us through into new spaces…
And some times…it’s the pain of the world that calls up our pain and it really gets overwhelming until it doesn’t.
So many of us are addicted to not allowing the pauses, the silences, and the spaces…without that we fill them…
Sometimes there is such intolerance for pain…such non-acceptance, is it any wonder that the world is so filled with pain?
And then…At special times ….all it takes is one look, one word, one hug …and a wall collapses…A dike long held in place dissolves and tears turn into sobs and we are there to witness…something or someone – maybe for the first time…
Some times the person needs to be with the inner misery, until it informs them…
And other times they discover there is another way to be…but they couldn’t get to that realization until they could successfully embrace and move through the pain…
And when we can witness pain again and again, and see how it changes us…it heals us…it reveals more to us about others, about our world and about us, and we discover all the ways that we have witnessed well, and times when we have done poorly…
And our humility grows ….as does our patience…
And so many of us think we must come up with answers, when questions are often what are needed most.
How about we listen to what is not being said…or expressed? And feel what is missing…or…what is present but not acknowledged yet?
Sometimes we can do all the best that we can do, and be as best as we can be, and all hell breaks loose, and other times we barely do anything at all and heaven breaks open wide…
We can feel so at peace, and in another instant, someone comes along and in catharsis vomits emotions all around us…because they are so sick with pain….
And it feels like such an assault that we either run for cover, or we react with our own pain…or assertions…or defence or offence….and boom!!! A bridge of communication comes tumbling down….and our tolerance wanes...yet the pathway to relationship even if blurry...is still present...
What would it be like to be able to hold ourselves steady no matter what?...
….No matter what comes rumbling or tumbling our way?
You may think or say: I am not a saint nor a master …I am simply human…and what are you really trying to say at these times? Most importantly, what are you feeling?
Certain of our feelings…are often so judged and undervalued...misunderstood and unloved, not tolerated, unappreciated, un-acceptable to us...unwelcomed...into our world, yet lingering in the shadows...
What if some-times we would commit to explore these mines of gold, these feelings to allow their mystery to unfold?
I know we would discover gifts old… and yet new…through our being true… to feel them fully…to spend time really feeling them and allowing them to flow without censor…without judgements or time limits…because like water they will ebb and flow, shift and change…just as we will…
Haven’t we all some times braved through an experience or toughed it out, coped and survived as best we could until we could manage even better?
While sometimes we have chosen to ignore something or someone because we didn’t want to feed the negative energy or we were being self protective and doing our best to set limits ... Sometimes this has worked for us and other times it worked against us…
And haven’t we at other times minimized a situation in order to bring down the intensity, reacted when we couldn’t help ourselves, or repressed ourselves in order to survive or help others to cope?
We have even expressed ourselves and got shit for it, while other times we received rewards and even standing ovations?
Sometimes our soul feels weary and we simply need a break or a rest….
And yet other times…we feel so exhilarated with life and can barely sit still because the excitement and pleasure of it all feels so delightful!
Some Times….are better than other times…and how we choose to be with the times…and with ourselves…and the experiences… and one another, can make all the difference in the world.
It's a trip...this earthly journey…and yet one… so rich with experience at all times.
Lovingly,
Alana Tobin …a companion on the journey…
© written by A. Tobin 6th December 2006 NZ
I will soon be making available for purchase a copy of a beautiful digital e-book which will include the above piece and others if anyone is interested to read more.
Heartstory
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