|New Civilization News: Stubborn Love|
Category: Counseling, Psychology
5 comments16 Feb 2006 @ 21:04 by craiglang : A wonderful statement of an issue
that has always bothered me.
How do we live in unconditional love, in a world full of conditionality and hatred?
I think you addressed a way to deal with this issue - hating the hatred, but allowing unconditional love for those souls that are discolored by the hatred.
In the end, if we truly create our own reality, then adopting an attitude of unconditional love will come back to us. In the present world, I have no idea how this would work, but somehow, I sense that it would - in the VERY LONG TERM.
Thanks again for your excellent post.
17 Feb 2006 @ 14:06 by poetsong : Thanks for your reply craig!
I think if we see ourselves as either a sower of seeds or a waterer of a garden, some things spring up quickly, some things take long, and some things don't spring up at all. However, when it comes to sowing love, and reaping a harvest, we never really know right away what our part is, or which seed will grow or fall to the ground.
We are pretty much one or the other. We either introduce thoughts that could help others, or nurture them. But ultimately we don't have control over who or when there is a responce. But if we see ourselves as doing one or the other, we aren't frustrated. I am a planter of seeds, not a sower of plants. In other words, I may say something to start thoughts in another, but it is not up to me to change them. Some will change as seeds grow, others will not allow seeds to grow. But we can't see the heart, or the questionings of the heart, so we don't know when good is being done even when it is being done.
I have invested much of my life into other people, and here's the great mystery, often those people I expected least to respond were quickest to respond.
Everyone has a need to be loved. Women want to be cherished, and men want to be admired. And when we are born into the world, we don't get to choose parents, or cultures, or even whether we are good looking or not.
In this mix, some people become casualties of situations and circumstances beyond their control. They hear one opinion, strong Archetypical arguments, and perhaps they become hardened by abuse, neglect, wars, poverty. If we pre-suppose no one will respond, we will never sow.
But here's a tip. If we sow, they need fertilizer. And so, it's not enough to just say, "You are really great...have a nice life." In our core are two basic needs. I've pretty much developed my own language to describe them, but the two needs are to feel, "I am a blessing." The second is to feel "I have an inheritance."
I am a blessing means simply, this world, our particular sphere, is better off because I am here. Whether I can bake, or play music, listen well, answer well, there is some contribution I have that is "Potentially" making the world a better place. All people are a blessing, though few know why, and because of that, they may never reach for a goal. They may be jaded, corrupt, and to numb their pain, fall into every kind of human failing known to man.
Some of the greatest people in the world are in a gutter somewhere, because that is the destiny they believe they have.
The second great need is to believe I have an inheritance, of some kind. Now, I don't mean money, or cars, or a piece of property. However, it is tied to the first, and that is that I have a destiny to fulfill. My inheritance might be partially having this conversation, and someone reading over our shoulders might gain an insight they would never have gained. But in general, my inheritance is somehow linked to my gift, and so if I teach, it may be a greater sphere of influence. Instead of influencing ten lives, my dream might be to influence a hundred in a good way, or grow to thousands. Dreams can evolve, but we must begin with a dream.
Our dreams differ because our gifts differ. If one's gift is art, their dream might be a great stage where people see what they've done. And we may not honor some dreams because in general we don't understand the nature of gifts. Some people have the gift of hospitality and think it is no big deal. But these are the people that refresh souls and make life worth living. Their gift makes others feel important and vital. If one's gift is baking and hospitality. Their dream may not be to aspire to a stage, but to help others reach their dreams. In this life they have made the journey lighter for myriads of people, and their purpose is fulfilled. They are the Oasis in the desert. Well, their dream may not be like mine, but it can grow, and their sphere of influence can grow, where they entertained in a home, and then entertain in an auditorium.
My point here is that love has to be displayed according to what another needs, and not simply lip-service and a passing hug, although a kind word and touch can go a long way. If I want to see permanent changes in others, somehow I have to be relevent to them. To be relevent, I have to understand them, at least in part.
By knowing their needs, and these are core, fundamental needs; if I have the right motivation, people will listen. Who here doesn't want to know they are a blessing and will have a destiny that is great? (if they understand that and know how to reach for that)
So, we are students of understanding, insight, wisdom and knowledge, not only being motivated to change the world, but getting some tools in our toolbelts to change the world.
Each person is different. But I think those who love, will seek to learn the various love languages, and learn how to birth life in a dead soul, one that was hopeless and fearful, and angry.
People want to "Live" and living is not merely existing, it's breathing in life, and wanting to see the new day, not seeing it as a burden.
We live up in a screwed up world. And the vast majority are not fulfilling any destiny, and feel more like a burden than a blessing; and life itself is a burden to be borne, rather than a gift to be enjoyed. This is cross-cultural. And I don't need to be a prophet or seer to know there are countless people here who are wondering what their gift is, what their destiny is, why they are even here. Some may believe they came here with answers, and are actually here to question. I'm here because I was invited by a sweet friend.
I have no doubt everyone has a destiny, in measure to their gifts. However, again, most people are locked into a mindset and self-view, and world-view, where they are lost, and going through motions, and have no sense of fulfillment. If anyone imagines that all over the world, people are happy, and celebrating, and filled with joy and peace, that's not reality. They may present that front, but may be dying inside, feeling, "What's the use?" They are motivated more by fear or anger, because they don't know love or mercy. But once they see love and mercy displayed, something comes alive in them. They want to become children again and get back what they missed.
The front they present is a facade, "I must be tough...strong...hardened" to make it in life. This responce is a jaded one, and perhaps entire groups have severe misunderstandings based on the messages passed down by forefathers. Love is vulnerable, and takes risks, but it is alive. Every tough guy in the world inwardly wants to be accepted, loved, and feel they are a blessing. In striving (because they feel they are not) they will do foolish things trying to win approval. Men in particular tend to respond in anger to feeling, "I am not good enough the way I am...I must prove something." Anger has to go somewhere, so it is expressed outwardly (violence) or inwardly (depression). But they don't enjoy living in this tough world always proving something to someone. I need to feel like I am a blessing from the beginning, and if my parents were wise enough to instill that, I have a headstart in life.
If my parents were wise enough to instill I have an inheritance, "You are so gifted at (fill in the blank) I can see you doing "such and such" some day. In doing this, they set wheels in motion. Good wheels. Children are set on a road to somewhere from the moment they were born, and wise parents will help them figure out what their gifts are and where to aim them. But unfortunately most people have dysfunctional immature or screwed-up parents who send all the wrong messages.
Well, if they didn't birth "self-love, a sense of destiny" then it isn't the end of the road. Others can birth it after the fact if they know how.
19 Feb 2006 @ 21:23 by jobrown : Your very wise essay
brings forth an important angle to the "Who" vs "What" question! THANKS!!!
21 Feb 2006 @ 14:54 by poetsong : Hi Blueboy
Yes, "who" vs "what" is such a deep topic. I spoke with a friend about this yesterday. So many people are confused about how to approach life, and in some respects it's because they really don't know who they are. All the messages sent to us throughout life cause us to believe things about ourselves and the world that might sabotage our progress. Instead of facing adversity as an adult would, sometimes pain causes us to face it on the emotional level of a child, because these problems can tap into unresolved wounds. And these people with so much potential find themselves striving where they should be smooth sailing.
Life is hard enough when we are functioning on all cylinders. The degree of difficulty in facing everyday problems is magnified if we see everything through the wrong filters. In this case, my friend has a volcano of anger and resentments, but wasn’t aware of them, and stuffed them.
Emotions are such powerful things, powerful enough to control a person’s life if they aren’t aware of the dynamics. And growing up in a house of dysfunction, he had angry controlling parents, and determined not to be like them. In his mind he wasn’t an angry person. Well, he wasn’t an insightful person, because he didn’t realize he had boatloads of anger, but simply turned the pain inward instead of outward. Instead of aggression, he had depression and terrible anxiety that controlled his life. So, when he dealt with people at work, he would take things the wrong way, and over-respond.
This is because unhealed emotional wounds are like any open wound; you can’t touch them even gently without causing pain. And so, all these people in his world were tapping into his pain. A comment criticizing something he did would sound in his ears like a railing accusation, magnified times ten. Well, people can’t deal with problems when they feel such overwhelming emotions.
In his life, the problem was that the lens and filters through which he saw life were clouded, and he needed to first have hope that life could change, and get a game-plan to change it. When we get rid of the junk in our hearts, through healing or insight and understanding, the issues we face in life often change for the better. Things become clearer, obstacles become smaller.
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